I’m watching the news and a politician (not President Hu I don’t think) comes on with a red, white and blue-colored photo/drawing of himself on the wall behind him with the word HOPE underneath. Like a political knockoff. Say, that doesn’t LOOK like an Obama poster, but it’s close… nah, give me the Guci Purse and the Nikey Air Gordons. They’re real, right?
I found I have an “Emergency Kit” in the hotel bathroom for which I would be charged 50 RMB if I broke the seal. Contents of said Emergency Kit according to the label?
Two International Standard Condoms
Special Bath Gel (for Men)
Special Bath Gel (for Women)
The Passions Lasting (huh? Viagra maybe? Ginseng? Baby cobra in a bottle of whiskey? Powdered rhinoceros horn?)
Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all this stuff (and that, folks, is my second Slim Pickens reference in 24 hours. Post a comment if you get it.)
A lot of menus are pictured point-and-eat for me obviously, and I would panic in an all-text restaurant. But sometimes the pictures will get you into trouble. For example, nothing visually seems to set beef and, say, donkey apart. Also, this yummy dessert?
And with all the convoluted English in China, this warning at the airport finally simplifies some of the official technical legalese-style crap we native English speakers often write on things and gets right to the point:
“It is strictly forbidden to carry other people’s stuff.”